this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
not ubering you a puppy
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
