Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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