Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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