Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
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