Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
