By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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