Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize