I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
