$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
