he thought i was a dude.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
