I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I think my moral compass just broke
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
