How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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