wakey wakey hands off snakey
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
