We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
