Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
