Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
