Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
