thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
