He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
