my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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