He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
