you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
