My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
