Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
