Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
