can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
