I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
