My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
