i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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