id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
