he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
