defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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