let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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