Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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