Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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