at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
