I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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