Ambien. No doubt about it.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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