I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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