So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
