So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
