on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
