I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
