Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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