i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
