Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
