is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
