Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
