Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
