does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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