Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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