i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
