I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize