I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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