I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
