im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
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