I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
