My room smells like vodka and shame
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
