I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
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