I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
