Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
