i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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