I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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