im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Randomize
