haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
