At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
