I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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