her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just gift wrapped bread.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
foreskin is a definite game changer
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I see more hoeing in ur future
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