it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
