my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
