foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
