Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
