I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
