I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
