I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
