Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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