you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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