I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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