This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
