I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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